NICOLAS MARTINEZ

This week is a special week in the middle of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. This week, it’s time to focus on ending street harassment. I wanted to talk a little bit about it from the perspective of a young, cisgendered, straight male who lives in an urban area. What is street harassment you might ask? I’m going to tell you a bit about what the issue is and what sorts of attitudes perpetuate the problem.op

You’ve all seen it. Street harassment isn’t something that happens in a dark alley or just in New York City. This is a problem that can happen anywhere, at any time, in any location. I can’t speak from experience, but from what I’ve heard (and it’s only the tip of the iceberg) women often experience street harassment as early as 12 years old.  Some women even get catcalled by men well into their 80s. What the hell? Listen to your gut on this one, this is disgusting and wrong in every way. But it shouldn’t stop there. Just because a women turns 18 does not give men the right to let all hell break loose and start whistling across the street. My bottom line message to other men: women are not your toy, they are not there just for you to gawk at.

So why does this happen? What’s the disconnect? I think men often think that they are “giving a compliment” when they tell a passerby that they look good. Even the “nice guy” who tells the Starbucks barista that her hair looks good is engaging in an act that can be awkward. I’m not saying it’s always awkward, because I don’t exactly know what it feels like, so I really can’t comment on absolutes. Giving a compliment is an intimate exchange. It’s a verbal cue in our social structure that is meant to indicate interest and appreciation. Some guys would say, “yeah that’s why I give compliments to women on the street, because I want them to know they are appreciated.” But you wouldn’t give a birthday card to every single random person on the street on their birthday right? That sort of thing is expected from close friends and relatives, not random strangers (and even then, cards sent from certain relatives are sometimes awkward).

Compliments are given in a situation of mutual consent and respect. I’m not telling men to stop complimenting women outright. I think showing someone that you appreciate them is a valuable interaction and necessary in our social fabric. But there needs to be some sort of rapport with the person. Throwing a “compliment” to a random person on the street is generally unwanted, unnecessary, and useless. Men: it’s not going to get you laid. Have you ever heard of a couple who go married and they say, “Well, we met one day on the side of a large avenue downtown when Tom yelled across the street and said to me, ‘nice tits’, and I was so impressed that I ran over to him to ask him on a date.” Yeah, no.

This is my plea to men. If you see someone on the street who is attractive you don’t need to say anything. Just shut up for once. Contrary to the history of humanity, you’re not the only one talking.